I remember as a little girl, tap-dancing down the grocery store aisles in my black patent tap shoes, pink tights and black leotard. I was a fearless child but things changed when I was nine years old. That year, my parents got a divorce. I have such a love for them both but having a broken family changed me. I wasn’t quite as carefree and secure and became one of those serious, quiet types. In high school, I was more outgoing because I was so involved with many things but everything changed my junior year. A friend invited me to church in our high school auditorium where his dad had started a church. After about a year of visiting with my best friend, the pastor started talking about a disease called self-rejection, where you always feel like you’re just not quite good enough. He talked about having an orphan spirit, the feeling of being alone because you perceived that someone you loved rejected you. He said that even if you were rejected, that God wanted to be your Father and adopt you as His very own. I accepted the Lord that day and never turned back. When I went off to college, I heard that the pastor I had been saved under was leaving the church. I was heart broken and experienced those feelings of rejection again. Pastor Fabian once said that, “Children of divorce have trouble believing in a human love that lasts forever.” I think I was starting to come to that conclusion.
In late 1996, my junior year of college, I started going to The Rock. Pastor George said something so powerful, that he was in covenant with this church and this city for life. Being in covenant meant that he might leave for a missions trip or vacation but he would always come back. He said that God was a God of covenant and He would never forsake anyone who stayed true to Him. That idea brought such healing to my soul, that here was a man promising he wouldn’t walk away from the people God called him to love. I thought that even if I made mistakes, maybe I had found a place where I would still be loved, have room to grow and be safe. In January 1997, Pastor Fabian began preaching about purity to the college ministry. I realized how true his words were because I had gone to my first church in Tampa for Christmas. There a young couple, one a daughter of an elder, had become pregnant at the prom and were getting married. They had sat near the front holding hands and had this ongoing relationship at church but had somehow lost their way. I realized that no matter how noble you start out in dating, if you play with fire, you will get burnt. So I decided I was going to live my life without a relationship until God told me who to marry, if it was even His will.
In 2000, I felt like God was telling me to move to New York City to help plant The Rock of New York City. On a plane ride to a missions trip in NYC, God showed me the story of Ruth. Ruth left her home on faith to follow her mother-in-law to serve her. First, God blessed her by providing her a way to take care of her and her mother-in-law. Later, God also blessed her with a husband, a child and the destiny of being an ancestor of Jesus. What I saw in that book was that I should follow Pastor Fabian and Andrea by faith like Ruth. If not, I would miss out on my destiny. I decided I’d rather give up being near my family, friends, a great church, the sunshine state and almost everything I ever knew then miss the destiny that God had for me. So when Pastor Fabian and Andrea were sent out to New York City, guess whose yellow Ryder truck was riding behind them?
My first year in New York was the most lonely and challenging season of my life. Things were so difficult that in 2002, I found myself diagnosed with clinical depression. Pastor Fabian and Andrea said they would ask six people to pray for me everyday. After about a year, by the grace of God and the prayer of the saints, my passion was restored. Around my 28th birthday, I felt like God reminded me of a story in the book, “You Have Not Many Fathers”. In the introduction, TD Jakes talks about how Rachel named her son, Ben-Oni, meaning “son of my sorrow” because she was dying in childbirth. But the child’s father, Jacob, stepped in and named him Benjamin, meaning “son of my right hand”. In this book he said that sometimes the world tries to label you something that you are not. But then God sends a spiritual father into your life who helps you find your true identity and who gives you your true name. Pastor Fabian and Andrea had first started calling me Victoria as a term of affection. Then friends who had called me Vicki for years just started calling me Victoria. Then I’d introduce myself to new people as Vicki and they’d start calling me Victoria. I felt like God showed me that in my darkest hours, they were prophesying victory over me. Now it was time to live up to my true name, be victorious and rule and reign in every area of my life. I had been saved about ten years and under spiritual authority for about eight years and felt like God was telling me it was time to be a spiritual adult. He was saying that I was no longer just Vicki, but Victoria and that I should see myself as a queen. Not because I was special but because I was His daughter. I was a queen, not because I married a king, but because my Father is the King. He was bestowing a responsibility on me to be more like Him. He reminded me of the title of a “Ladies’ Getaway” many years ago called, “Queen, Take Your Throne”. He showed me that when the world wanted to label me as a “daughter of sorrow”, a spiritual father and mother stepped in to help me find my true identity. Like Jacob, they fought for me and symbolically said, “She’s the daughter of God’s right hand”. So I started going by Victoria.
I had a couple of great years in NYC, not growing in a career, having a family or building a large ministry, but in my heart. I was growing in the Lord through the trials and the desert places. In August of 2006, I got really upset, feeling like career, family and ministry were passing me by. I felt like I had to change something; get a new job, get married or just do something or I would burst. Pastor Fabian just prayed over me to let patience have its perfect work and press on. So I didn’t change anything, I just clung to the Lord. At Thanksgiving, I could find no place to go until the last minute which was not fun. I tried to have fun at a Christmas party but felt this weird emotion of loving the people I knew for years and yet not really belonging with them. I went through a surreal Christmas and January until January 29th. That’s when I found out that our church was closing and my pastors were going back to Gainesville, Florida. I loved my church and poured my whole heart into it. But when it closed, there was nothing I could do. I was going home. I had thought New York City would be my home for life and I would have stayed if God asked me to. But God asked me to follow Pastor Fabian and Andrea and if they were going back to Gainesville, I was going right behind them. Within four weeks, I had a job interview. Within five weeks, I had an offer on my home. Within seven weeks, I was back in Gainesville, renting a room from Melissa Sylvia until the sale of my house in New York was finalized. When God wants to move in your life, He will. For many years, I felt like He would never move in my life. But I came to know that my times and seasons are in His hands.
In March, I returned to Florida and went right back to Rock UF, the college ministry of The Rock, because I love college students. They are in such a crucial time of life, making decisions that will effect the rest of their lives and so full of life and purpose. For the next six months, I was in a whirlwind, coordinating a move at work, being part of Rock UF and adjusting to life back in sunny Florida. In the midst of it, I barely even noticed Nick. He was just Georgio and Dana’s friend who I knew from his visits to New York. I knew where he lived because Georgio and Dana were planning to rent his house when they moved back from New York. Nick was planning to move to Tampa. I was excited that they would be my neighbors as I rented from Melissa. But Nick changed his mind and stayed in Gainesville. I remember telling him it's better that he stayed than that I had Georgio and Dana as my neighbors. I didn’t mean anything special, I just hate when people leave somewhere when maybe God wasn’t done working in their lives in that place. It’s not for me to decide for others but I sincerely would prefer someone stay where God planted them than to have my friends as neighbors.
I would run into Nick at times. When Georgio and Dana first moved back in April, Nick had already invited them to dinner with Damien at his house. Since I was Nick’s neighbor, Dana just invited me too. In May, I closed on my home in New York from Florida. My dad drove my furniture from New York but I had to get him a hotel for a few days until my new apartment was ready. I met my dad by the interstate next to Bijan’s store so I stopped by to say hello to her. She suggested I ask Nick if my dad could stay with him but I wouldn’t do that to someone I barely know. Bijan called Nick anyway so he called me and offered. That’s the only time we talked by phone. I said no because it was too weird. In June, I invited Georgio and Dana to a BBQ at my house and they brought Nick. He barely spoke to me which was pretty much normal so I just thought he was quiet (right!). But one time I just started talking to him at Rock UF and since I couldn’t hear him, I asked him to sit down somewhere else and just talked about things like New York. I felt like I owed him and Damien a meal when I had Georgio and Dana over sometime (since they had let me crash their dinner) so I told him I’d have them all over sometime (with no clue as to what’s going on). That same night, I asked several people to greet for Rock UF but he didn’t respond. So he sent me an e-mail the next day explaining why. That’s how he ended up on my e-mail list of friends that I sent my blog. On August 31, the Thursday before the college reception, I just had a desire to create a blog to show my NYC friends about my life in Gainesville. Nick responded to my e-mail with a pretty long e-mail. At the time, I was too busy to deal with it. I remember that I said to Yvanka, my friend from NYC who was staying here, “I can’t deal with long e-mails from men right now” (Like I get those all the time)!
At the College Reception, Nick didn’t talk to me. Pastor George took a picture of Pastor Suzanne and asked me to e-mail it to him. So Sunday night, I received two e-mails. One e-mail was from Pastor George, thanking me for the picture. Another e-mail was from Nick, apologizing if his first e-mail made me uncomfortable. So I brushed it off as no problem and let it go. Unknown to me, at the same time, Nick sent Pastor George an e-mail, basically asking him what to do about me. I’m still oblivious to what’s going on. So Friday afternoon comes, and I’m going through old e-mails. There’s Nick’s e-mail and now it’s really making sense. First of all, he referred to me as Victoria and made the distinction of how I was different since when I left for NYC as Vicki. That was important to me because some people didn’t understand what the name change was all about. And I didn’t expect them to but it was kind of nice that someone just seemed to understand without an explanation. Then he said he had gone to a movie that he had to walk out of. It made him think of my life and faithfulness. Then he said he heard me tell someone that I’m not a young professional (which is what they call those at Rock UF who have graduated). I said I’m just an administrative assistant. He said I was much more than that, that I was a servant of God. That meant so much to me because for nine years, I’ve struggled with the idea of being just a secretary. But I know God placed me there for a reason and it’s just a job, it’s not who I am. He ended the e-mail saying he recognized my value in the kingdom. And I just thought, interesting, this guy seems like he actually sees me, who I really am and the deep work that God has done in my life. But I left it alone. Then Saturday morning, something really upset me. I went to Dana’s house and we started talking about marriage. I said, “Do you think some people just get tired of being alone and settle?” Because in the back of my mind I’m thinking maybe if this guy does care for me, maybe I should stop fighting and just what I would call, “settle”, because I knew almost nothing about him (Boy was I wrong!) I had been through so much, moving back and forth to NYC as a single and adjusting again to so many things. Being 31, I was just really battling the emotion of being alone.
So I went home and cried. But as I was crying, I felt the love of God right below my heart, this warm feeling deep inside that I’ve only felt every once in awhile. And then I felt like I felt the love of Nick. I know it sounds corny, but that’s exactly what it was. Almost like the love of Nick for me was like the love of God for me. Then I started remembering all these things I’d heard in passing about this man. He wanted to move to NYC but his pastor didn’t have a peace about it so he stayed. He wanted to move to Tampa and almost did but knew it wasn’t God’s will so he stayed. He didn’t want to go to Rock UF but God told him to go one night and he did. Then Pastor George asked him to be a part and he was. He may not have always liked it but he always seemed to trust in authority. I felt like I could trust someone like that. Then I remembered how he offered to help my dad, how he helped Melissa King with her furniture, how he helped Georgio and Dana move, how he helped me the first day I was back to go to the Rock UF BBQ. I also remembered that the one time I was at his house with Georgio and Dana, I saw a picture of him walking on the Brooklyn bridge with Pastor Fabian and Andrea. I thought that he really does care about these people that are so important to me. He really does have a heart for New York City which is a big part of my life. I had been reading the book, “Loneliness” by Elisabeth Eliot. In talking about her third husband, she said that it is the responsibility of the man to hear from God about who he is to marry. Once she saw him pursuing her, her responsibility as the woman was to pray about her answer. I also thought about how pastors and others often tell us that the man should initiate, not the woman. I remembered the verse that says, “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (1 John 4:10) God showed me that He loved me first and, as with the church, I only love Him back in response and gratitude for His love for me. He showed me how my relationship with Pastor Fabian and Andrea wasn’t an easy thing that just happened naturally. God gave them a supernatural love for me so they saw my value and invested in my life. My love for them was my response in gratitude for all that they did for me. And I felt like if this man really loved me, then maybe I could love him back. Maybe God does work that way, maybe He places that love in a man first that draws the woman to the man.
I went to church the next day and ended up right across the aisle from Nick. I didn’t plan it that way. I had been greeting for Rock UF and my stuff was already there. When we all went forward for the offering, he was right in front of me so I walked really slow and stayed away from him. We walked past each other several times but it was like God didn’t want us to speak. He wanted to tell me Himself. Pastor George was talking about knowing things in your knower and I was getting nothing in my knower. I sat through Andrew and Irene’s wedding with no emotion. I was thinking I should have emotion if this is really God but nothing. I thought about it more through the weekend. Monday, God reminded me of something I wrote in my notes for a book I was working on for single women. It said, “My pastor says, “You don’t fall in love, you fall in a hole. You choose to love.” I had written, “I’m not going to marry the man I love. I’m going to marry the man God tells me to marry. And then I’m going to love the man I marry.” God reminded me of that to see what I was going to do with it. I had also written in my book, “If you want to know where a relationship is going, just ask God. He’d be happy to tell you.” Somewhere around then, I did ask God if Nick was really His will for my life. And usually when I ask God questions like that, I get silence. But this time, it was almost like God was jumping up and down saying, “This is the one!”
Tuesday morning I woke up excited, like I really might have heard from God. I went to morning prayer but didn’t see Nick until he was driving away so I gave him a big wave. As I drove away, it started raining. Then appeared the most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen. It was a double rainbow stretched from one end of the sky to the other. I immediately thought, “I should call Nick!” Then I thought, “Why would I call Nick? I’ve never called Nick.” I only had his phone number in my phone from May when my dad visited. So I thought, “I can’t call Nick" so I didn't. But I thought, "Look at this amazing rainbow!” Pastor George had just finished teaching on covenant. He often reminds us that the rainbow is a sign of God’s covenant with man to never again destroy the earth. That upcoming weekend was the church’s 20th Anniversary service. About 100 people from church had just left prayer so a bunch of us had to be seeing this rainbow. And it was September 11th. Tuesday, September 11th. On Tuesday, September 11, 2001, I was working in Manhattan. I tried to get home on three subways but it was too crowded. I finally ended up walking home across the Queensboro bridge. It was personally one of the worst days and weeks of my life. Here in 2007, people in Gainesville are calling the radio station in tears about this beautiful rainbow. They are saying that it was like God was letting us know that He hasn’t forgotten us. I felt like God was saying to me that He had not forgotten me. He knew how much I loved the word on covenant since 1996. I believed He was telling me that this was it, that it was OK to make covenant with this man.
That night, I wanted to talk to Nick but I knew I couldn’t. I figured if I send an e-mail response to an e-mail he initiated, it should be OK. (The things we come up with!) I sent him an e-mail saying that I was sorry for ignoring him at church. He wrote back and said he should have spoken to me first and, “I was praying and wondering when you’re going to start writing skits again”. I used to write skits for Rock UF six years ago and not one person has asked me about them since I returned. How does he even remember? We never even met when we were in Rock UF before I left for New York. So I went to Rock UF Wednesday night all excited. I bring my book of skits to show Nick, that’s not wrong, right? (Wrong!) He came late to Rock UF so I start stewing, thinking he’s the type of guy that’s not reliable. It turned out he was working late so he did come. We were divided into small groups but he refused to talk to me. I didn’t want to ignore him after I just apologized for ignoring him so when I walked past him in the seat, I put my hand on his shoulder in acknowledgement. (I know, I can’t believe I did that either!) Anyway, Pastor Fabian starts preaching about Uzzah and how he tried to help the Word of God out so God struck him dead. And he said that if we try to help God out in any area of our lives, God will strike that thing dead! I started hiding my skits that I was no longer going to give to Nick. Then Pastor Fabian says, “Some of you are looking at pigs when God want to give you a knight in shining armor.” I thought, “What if others who I would have chosen in the past are pigs (to me, not really pigs) and what if God is trying to tell me this is my knight in shining armor?” Then he said, “Sometimes God makes you wait until the midnight hour.” So I get into my car and thought ”Here I go again, on this long road to see if I really heard from God. How long is it going to take?” I was about to get upset until I came home to an e-mail from Pastor Cheryl. She would like to meet with me Thursday before work.
I went to meet her at Starbucks the next day. In the car, I felt like God told me that, “No matter what happens, I am good.” Pastor Cheryl said that Pastor George wanted to meet with me soon but he couldn’t so he asked her to do it. First she asked me how I was adjusting to Gainesville and I told her. Them she said “Is there anything in your hear concerning marriage?” I told her the whole story without telling her the name. She said, “What is the young man’s name?” I told her that I couldn’t tell her because I couldn’t handle being wrong. She nicely asked me again what his name is. I said, almost with unbelief, “Nick Babinetz?” She took my hand and says, “Pastor George released me to tell you, that if you said it first, Nick has asked for your hand in marriage.” I just started crying like I have never cried before, squeezing her hand. I felt that same love of God well up under my heart. I knew at that moment that all those years of all those tears and all those questions and all those prayers had been answered. Only God knew what I had been through and He was right there with me now, reassuring me that He had heard my cries and answered my prayers. I told her that I was so sorry, that she had no idea just how lonely and how hard things had been for me. She said, “Same for Nick”.
Then silence until Saturday night about 8:50 pm. I was on my balcony, not even going to answer my phone when I came inside and checked my messages. There’s a call from Nick. I called him back. Can I meet him at Sun Trust in Haile Plantation at 9:50? Is he crazy? It’s raining and I’m not ready and the dress I’m supposed to get engaged in is at the cleaners and don’t I even get dinner out of this? I’ve waited 11 years for my first date and he says, “SunTrust at 9:50 at night?” Then I thought I may never get another chance so I’m going. I called him back and asked if it was OK for me to have curly hair because if he wanted it straight, it would take much longer. He said, “Curly hair has character”. For someone who has hated her curly hair for years, it was a pretty nice thing to hear. As I got ready, I thought my parents were going to kill me. They had never heard his name out of my mouth. But I warned them about five years ago that someday someone was going to call about marrying me without much notice. So then I thought, “Well I’m a grown woman so I’m going to go get engaged!” I met him at SunTrust and he just started walking me around Haile Plantation, telling me this story that started two years ago with the testimony I wrote on a Rock UF website. Two years ago, is he kidding? Someone’s been caring about me for two years while I’m up in New York thinking I’m going to die alone? Then finally we sit down and get to the part of calling the parents. No one knows how to reach my dad but me so Nick waited to call him with me. We started with my mom. 11:23 pm, “Hi, mom.” “Are you OK?” “Yes, I’m fine. But I’m here with this man who wants to marry me and he loves me and I love him and I want to say yes so please tell him it’s OK”. Not that Nick had ever said he loved me but I just knew in my heart and I thought a mom would want to know that. So after she recovered, he talked to her and she said OK. Then we have the same conversation with my dad. Then my sister called. Nick finally asked me what time it was and it was now 11:59. “Well, let’s do it now!”
Afterward he said, “By the way, my parents (whom I’ve never met) are coming to church tomorrow. And it’s my grandmother’s 75th birthday and she’s always wanted me to get married so I’d like you to come to her party as a gift”. No problem! I get to church the next morning and Andrea leads me to where I’m supposed to sit. Before I get there, Valencia comes up and says to a couple, “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Babinetz!”. I come to a dead stop and run back to kids’ church to find Nick. “Can you please come introduce me to your parents?!” He says, “I can’t leave the table”. Finally Andrea comes back and tells us that she’ll watch the table for him. We try to walk into the auditorium but Chris V sees us so I go down the other aisle. I walked up to his dad as he walked up to his mom so I still had to introduce myself. I give his mom some flowers and a card and said, “Hi, I’m Victoria, do you have any questions?” Then, “Sorry, we have to go.” (I had to greet and he has kids church.) So I finished greeting and waited for Nick but his replacement never came in kids’ church. I walked in and sat next to my future mother-in-law who I just met 15 minutes ago and Nick never came! I finally sent him a text message and realized he was sitting a few rows behind me. Pastor George finished preaching and went down to his seat. I started thinking that I dreamed the whole thing up, there’s no way he’s announcing it at the 20th Anniversary service. Pastor George finally came back on stage, thanked everyone for their gift, brought up the pastors to pray over missions trips, told us the dancers will do the dance again and I’m really wondering now. Then finally, he announced our engagement and Nick walks around to meet me. The drama king!
Afterward, I went up to Pastor Ron and said, “I heard you had something to do with this.” Then I remembered and said, “Pastor Ron, we got engaged at 11:59, the midnight hour, just like you always preach about!” The midnight hour is also from the book of Ruth. Like Pastor Fabian had said at Rock UF that week, “Sometimes God makes you wait until the midnight hour”. This daughter waited until her midnight hour and God showed up. In January, when Pastor Fabian announced that the Rock of NYC was closing, I spoke about a verse in Jeremiah where God told him not to take a wife and have children as a testimony against that city. I believe God asked me to walk single so many years as a witness to that great city that they don’t have to have ungodly relationships, that He can be enough. At that time, I also shared the story of Ruth, and how the word of God to my heart had not changed. I still believed that if I continued to follow Pastor Fabian and Andrea, I would find my Boaz but more important, I would find my destiny. I received that word seven years ago. Jacob said of Rachel that the seven years he worked for her were like a day to Him because of the love that he had for her. God has been true to His word to me. He made me wait but His perfect will was worth waiting for. He allowed me to hunger but he never allowed me to starve. He is the author of this love story and He is still writing the story of His love for you.
The Brooklyn bridge picture 
The Brooklyn bridge picture 
Me pointing out the UN which I could see from Queens
My wolf coasters 
My mom and I at Nick's parents
Nick's parents and grandparents
The comforter from Nick's Aunt Mary
Our future family vision
The beautiful blanket from Lauren and Brandon
There's just something about Christmas. Last Sunday was the first time I've been in a big church for Christmas in a long time. We combined services so there were people everywhere, decked out in red and green, handing out Christmas cards and hugging each other a little tighter than usual. We sang "Silent Night" together, the choir belted out an amazing new song by Ogechi and Pastor George read the Christmas story. Add a spine-tingling solo of "O Holy Night" and for a moment, I had a glimpse of what heaven might be like. As Pastor George said, God is the ultimate giver who gave the very best gift of Jesus so we could be His children and be joined to each other as family in the kingdom of God. He said that even as the unbeliever rushes around without a thought of God, something inside of them wants to be like God and give. I'm so thankful that God revealed that truth to me fourteen years ago and it is still as real to me today as ever.
My mom has always been one of the greatest givers I know but I think she might have met her match in Nick. My mom cooked Christmas Eve dinner and gave Nick and me some beautiful frames and a photo box that matches my furniture, along with many other special things. She also found these amazing wolf coasters that I've wanted for 6 months but never found. That way, the Wolf name can live on in our house :). Nick gave me a binder he had made with our testimonies, the meaning of our names (both meaning "victory") and a picture of our favorite bridge, the Brooklyn bridge. He also gave me some super cool running shoes because I'm always trying to keep up with him on the many walks he likes to take. They didn't have Asics brand in my size so he gave me New Balance, the NB standing for Nick Babinetz (Yes we're corny, but we're allowed to be:) ). I did get to throw in a surprise of my own. I found a painting of the Brooklyn Bridge almost exactly like the picture he gave me earlier that night. It also has sailboats which I've loved since my dad owned the "Sea Wolf", the sailboat we had when I was young. The picture is meant to go in his dining room and match the blue in his countertops. It also has a view of South Street Seaport where I had a fun night with the Chen dynasty girls last year. The matching picture, for his living room, has the United Nations on the left and the Chrysler building on the right. Since I worked on 69th and York (the UN is on 42nd and York (or close) ), it almost looks like I'm walking home from work when I see the picture. So I may have left New York but New York hasn't left me. I'll see it, and often think of many of you, every time I walk in my door!
The next day, my mom and I drove to Nick's parents for a lovely dinner and more time with the family. Everyone is so kind. They are great givers too and I appreciate all they gave to us. Nick's Aunt Mary gave us a great surprise in the comforter we very much wanted. She had actually bought the one we had registered for accidentally and had to brave the store on Christmas Eve just to exchange it for the right one. Sorry about that but thanks for persevering! As you can see, blue is our theme color. Nick also surprised me with a plaque engraved with our future family vision. His dad made it! For those of you who know how much I love vision, you know I love that gift! It starts with one of my favorite verses, Habakkuk 2:2-4. I also came home to a most lovely engraved blanket with our names on it from Lauren and Brandon. What a very special Christmas it was to have so many people in my life who give as God gives.
M
The Luca Family and Grandma Powell
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